Sunshine and bunnies

Yesterday morning I woke up and it was Saturday. This was good. I had pancakes and coffee for breakfast. This was good. Next was a trip to the newsagents to gift OzLotto and Lotto money in honour of their $100,000,000 and $21,000,000 respective lotto draws. And that’s when things started to go wrong (not that one expects sunshine and bunnies when the remainder of the morning has been set aside to complete one’s overdue tax return). The online tax program ate the tax file I had started months ago. This was irritating. I redid the income section and healthcare and checked out the tax return prediction. Owing the government tax?! Pay As You Go was clearly broken. I put in my obvious deductions (those deductions that don’t require trawling through boxes of receipts and business diaries). I still owed the government tax. Outrageous! At this moment GetUp! sent me an email about pokie reform and how gambling destroys lives. This concerned me but buying lottery tickets is less gambling and more gifting. I wondered if I could claim lottery tickets as a donation to charity. NSW Lotteries, Red Cross. Potato, potato (this joke generally works better when spoken). Best not. NSW Lotteries had probably been too busy playing with all its presents to have registered as a charitable organisation. Trawling began. Depreciation calculations began. The neighbours young child started screaming. My partner, cleaning the shower, began singing. Lunch came and went without going anywhere near my digestive system. Tax, receipts, printers, depreciation, babies, singing. Turdburgers. Everyone and everything.

At 3pm I emerged victorious. The government owed me $100. Take that! I lodged my return. A little box popped up on the screen. It was the the government reminding me that a penalty was due for late lodgement. A fine? For being three days late? Give me a break (one might say a tax break – hahaha, hee-larious)! It would lessen my victory substantially if the goverment and I ended up even stevens.

Lunchless and cranky, I walked to the train station and boarded a train. It ran three minutes late. At Strathfield I dashed across the platforms towards the connecting train. It was already departing the platform. The next train was not due for 40 minutes. As I stood and contemplated an array of chiko rolls and chocolate bars at the station kiosk, I thought this was not the kind of luck that won millions of dollars. It was also not the kind of luck that befitted a day that had begun with pancakes.

I was going to have to accept the circumstances of the day with grace and fortitude, take responsbility etc. If I paid more tax maybe the trains would have been on time. If I won the lottery I would have more money to pay tax with. Synergy.

The lottery balls spun. Lottery balls were drawn. It was clear that not only had I gifted NSW Lotteries with $2.60 but I had also graciously not picked any of the winning numbers. The Australian Tax Office would have to make do with tax already paid. The trains would continue to run late. And GetUp! would have to continue its fight against charitable donations. The least NSW Lottery could do is send me thankyou card. Or an Opera House.


3 Responses to Sunshine and bunnies

  1. orbphotog says:

    I’m sure your contributions are appreciated!

    • Bathmat says:

      You are quite right. Governments are a bit like charitable organisations too. I wonder if I could claim tax as a charitable deduction.

  2. Katie says:

    You are so generous, gifting your money to lotteries and governments all over the place! You deserve many more pancake breakfasts, considering your benevolent actions here.

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